Now's As Good A Time As Any

…for 112 years the State of the Union was delivered in writing instead of in person? Above and beyond the fact that it makes me really nervous to have virtually the whole federal government in one building at one time, it’s a really stupid, pointless exercise (no matter which president it is) and a waste of prime time TV.

I just awoke from dreams of an incomprehensible world full of deadly, infernal contraptions and shady characters of questionable motives across the far reaches of space, time and reality.

Then I came over to my computer and remembered that I was trying to do my taxes before I took a nap. Hmmmmmm…

Call it “teacher’s block”.

I can’t stand it when I’m so overloaded with these pointless, stupid classes that teaching itself holds no pleasure for me. If there weren’t so many group projects, I could blow more of it off and just take some Bs and Cs to make sure that my teaching stays up to par and that I don’t let down the students who are depending on me. But my fellow students are depending on me too. I can hardly think straight with all this unscientific crap they try to stuff in our heads. I can see how it’s very easy for people to get indoctrinated: if you actually teach according to their ideology instead of the way you really think it should be done, you pretty much have half as much work because you can use what you do for your education classes when you teach. But if you insist on doing things the way you think is right, you have to jump through their hoops on the one hand and prepare a whole different set of lesson plans…or stumble in half asleep and deliver a crappy lesson like I did today.

On the bright side, only about five more weeks of this crap.

As mad as I am at the program, I’m trying not to let it mess up my teaching, but it’s messy. I feel like I’ve forgotten all the science and how to teach well.

If you happen to discover by Googling somebody that they’re going to be in a community theater production, and you haven’t seen them for a long time, would it be weird to go see them in the show? Does it make a difference that it’s theater and it’s kind of expected that people who do or don’t know you are going to show up and pay to watch you perform?

You know what, though…I oughta be in community theater. I did that kind of thing when I was quite young and I enjoyed it and especially enjoyed being the center of attention. (1) Community radio, (2) community theater, (3) international travel, (4) teaching. Such are the building blocks of a life well-lived…maybe…oh, and (5) being a good step-uncle.

I recited Shakespeare’s Sonnet #60 today in class. It’s about waves. I don’t really like Shakespeare that much, but I wanted something impressive to memorize.

Today went much better. Maybe I should never sleep anymore and go in for a lot more caffeine. Got my mojo working today.

Now, all I have to do is have some kind of semblance of a lesson plan…ugh.

I had the novel idea that maybe I was only having a bad dream about insomnia, but I’ve never blog-posted in a dream. Not that I can remember. So no, it’s just that I’m not sleeping tonight. Oh well…

It seems like I’m in bed at 10 PM every night like a good little boy, but somehow I always end up on the computer at about 1 or 2 in the morning, thinking to myself “if I could just fall asleep now I could get so-and-so number of hours of sleep”…then I think about how long a nap I can get during the day the next day. Some days I think I sleep longer when the sun’s up than when it’s down. I just don’t know how to sleep well.

Well, I felt fairly freaked out and inadequate today. I didn’t feel like I was there to provide a service that people wanted. I felt like I was there to be judged, then chewed up and spit out. I also felt like I had four or five different voices screaming in my head all the time: one was trying to tell me how to teach the class if I were to really do what I think is best. One was just screaming “INQUIRY CONSTRUCTIVIST STANDARDS DISCOVERY LEARNING PIAGET” over and over. One was “the students are all out to get you!” One was trying to remind me how all the physics fits together. One was reminding me of all the assignments I have coming up due in all my different stupid classes. At least this is the last quarter of that (unless I flunk).

I hope it doesn’t still feel this way at the end of the six weeks. Arrrrrgghhh…

I wish somebody would just teach me stuff and stop trying to sell me on an ideology. And/or stop implicitly expecting that I’ll buy into an ideology while not bothering to try to sell me on it. I’ve already got an ideology, buddy, and if you want to challenge it, I would appreciate it if you would bother asking what is it first. Then engage me (meaning you get to try to convince me you’re right, but I also get to try to convince you that I’m right instead).

Excuse me for waxing for a moment, but…Do you ever feel as if you’ve run up against your limitations as a human being? Like there’s a whole lot more in this world to know, do and be but your brain just isn’t big enough and your will just isn’t strong enough to take any more in? You’re pretty happy in the little garden of your life, but you just know if you bash your head against the wall repeatedly you can make it move, millimeter by millimeter, and make your world just a little bigger. But all that bashing gives you a headache, and then you feel like there’s nothing you’d rather do than lie in your hammock and drink iced tea for 30 or 40 years.

Upon further review, it appears you have to wax something because to wax means to become something.

I made a pair of drawings on a single piece of notebook paper today (during my field placement seminar): on the front, it shows a very large person with a very short torso standing astride North America and Europe grasping the moon in his hand and getting ready to put it in his pointy-toothed, kind of evil-looking mouth. He wears a T-shirt that reads: “EATIN’ THE MOON”. On the back, there’s a octopus kind of creature standing on the moon holding the earth in two of its tentacles, and it has a sign hanging around its neck that reads: “EATIN’ THE EARTH”. I find the creation and contemplation of these drawings highly entertaining. So I’m not really that different from the person I was when I was 6 or 7 years old. That’s kind of reassuring.

Now we’ve got at least one guy running against Pat Tiberi…can’t say I like his chances, but he’s the first one I’ve heard about.

I’m really hoping to get involved with this community radio project!